There's WHAT in my purse?

I was looking for my movie ticket to see The Heat  (at my first "girl's night out" in years), and I reached into a pocket in the most expensive purse I've ever bought (on sale at Kohl's with a 30% off coupon). What did I find instead of my ticket? Nasty-looking jelly beans from Easter. It's almost July. I started thinking about what sorts of other bizarre, funny or downright disgusting things have I found, said or done since becoming a mom. So here's a list:

You must be a mom if you have ever....

...allowed another human being to spit out their chewed gum into your bare hand.

...caught another human being's vomit in your bare hands to keep it from hitting the carpeted floor. (Yes, I actually did this, and it wasn't even my child. It helps that I spent 9 years as paramedic and these types of things don't gross me out).

... been at baby or wedding shower, played that silly "purse scavenger hunt" game and won the game EVERY SINGLE TIME because you carry everything you could possibly need in your purse.

...reached into your jeans pocket and pulled out the soggy remnants of a sucker stick.

...used your spit and a rumpled (not sure if used) tissue to wipe a child's face.

...used your thumbnail to scrape any unknown substance off any surface in your house that even the toughest scrubbing material (short of steel wool or naphtha) wouldn't remove.

...corrected the adult customer in front of you in the checkout line for not saying "please" and "thank you" to the cashier.  (Yes, I actually did this. It was so automatic for my children that when he didn't say thank you, I just said it out loud. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, me or him).

...said, "Honey, you have to put panties and shorts on to play outside. We don't ride bikes naked."  (A quote from a mommy friend of mine. Thanks, Melissa!)

...said, "Because I said so!"

...said, "Your butt is itchy, because you didn't wipe good enough."

...wanted to die of embarrassment when your toddler says in his outside voice, "Mommy, that lady stinks!" regarding the woman wearing too much perfume that just stepped into the elevator with you at Marshall Field's.   (This one really happened to my mom with my brother in the 1960's)

...used your bare hand to wipe snot off another human being's face.

...gagged while disposing of another human's waste.

...prayed, silently or in a full voice, for God to ease that little person's pain.

...loved someone so deeply, that you would, without any doubt, give up your life to save or protect his or hers.


Being a mom has little to do with giving birth. Don't get me wrong, giving birth is part of it, but I know some seriously fantastic moms that either never gave birth, or didn't give birth to all of her children. We, as moms, are asked to endure unfathomable pain and rejoice in indescribable love. We give of ourselves, often times very sacrificially to our own desires, in order that our children can have what they need. We are care-givers, chefs, taxi drivers, first responders, housekeepers, bookkeepers, schedule keepers, event planners, hostesses, teachers, spiritual leaders, laundry-doers, bargain hunters, handy-women, painters, decorators, surprise planners, counselors and cheerleaders. We are moms - imperfect and even seriously flawed at times - but we love our children "to the moon and back."

Psalm 127:3-5  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-children-25-inspirational-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2Xev4Vpqc

If You Give a Mom a Yogurt

If You Give a Mom a Yogurt

If you give a mom a yogurt, then she will want something crunchy to go in it.

So, she’ll go to the pantry to get some Grapenuts.

When she gets to the pantry, she’ll smell something funky and find the stinky old potatoes.

When she finds the stinky, old potatoes, she’ll want to throw them away.

When she throws them away in the full garbage container, she’ll want to take the trash out.

When she takes the trash out and goes to put a new liner in the stinky trash can, she’ll want to spray some Lysol to kill the germs and the stinky smell.

When she goes to the bathroom to get the Lysol, she’ll smell and see a dirty toilet.

When she sees the dirty toilet, she’ll want to fill the toilet bowl with cleaner and scrub it clean.

When she’s done cleaning the toilet, she’ll want to wash her hands.

When she sees she’s low on hand soap, she’ll want to go upstairs to get another container to refill the one she has.

When she goes upstairs to get the soap, she smells the stinky potatoes lingering in her house and she’ll want to spray air freshener.

When she sprays the air freshener, she’ll have to cover her open yogurt to keep from getting any in her food.

When she sees her yogurt, she’ll want something crunchy to go in it, so she goes to the pantry to get the Grapenuts.

And this is why it takes a mom 4x’s longer than it should to get anything done and why I have grey hair.

I am immensely blessed to be a mom, especially since we didn't think we could have children. As much as my tweener girls may add to the grey, I never miss the opportunity to thank God for them and my hubby.

Psalm 113:9 He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.Praise the LORD!

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-children-25-inspirational-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2XFQ9YmVc